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ππ’ππ / πππ
brittle fingers reach out to grasp
what cannot be seen against the dark
no ruin or reason will keep us apart
these pages were written on loose scraps
searching for a conclusion
to bring this end to an end
πππ
caught alone again with these thoughts
maybe this time it wonβt be so bad
anesthetize impure reasons
rightfully arguing against this cycle
ππππππ / πππ
Nine three one
Itβs always the same
Nine three one
Never going to change
ππππππ
memory refers to our ability to hold in real life the features and feelings that made up the essence of a person who has already died. the memory of a deceased person lives for as long and fully as theyβre close people carefully remember. this seemingly clear banality is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. people begin to forget right away, as soon as the life leaves the body. and only a constant, every minute mental effort, requiring the most careful concentration of attention, memory and imagination, allows you to keep the departed among the living, as if they were still with us. a wall of glass swallowing itself into a myriad of broken reflections that I cannot repair
ππππππ
I am never going to know
I am never going to learn
how to be myself
or what that even is
searching for another conclusion
in the ashes desperate measures
in the embers of the letters
that you wrote to me
searching for the loss we have had to face
I draw back my hands and say goodnight
πππ
pillars of lies built this home
undeserving nights
I lay sleepless with question
are you happy, can you be
without you sacrificing your values and dignity
the answer is cold but true
you are frozen with fear
and unnerving recollections
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ππ’ππ / πππ
a necklace buried in the dirt
my fingers never left a mark
a signature underneath her nail
ππππππ
burnt leaves in autumn ashes
leave trails of desperate nights
and the angels will not help you
because they have all gone blind
ππππππ
and the rain falls down their eyes
as the guilt makes its way inside
πππ
an outstretched hand
pulls the drapes behind my back
as the search grows thing
I feel the weight upon my skin
ππππππ / ππ’ππ
her screams were the loudest as she died
fire walk with me
and the angels had mirrors sunken for eyes
fire walk with me
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throw open the doors that trap us in this place of no growth. throw open the doors and return to where we were whole. so simple it's impossible. legs sinking in. walls closing in. mind caving in and i can't be here. i've lost something that can't be replaced and telling the difference is harder than it should be. how far have i come to throw it all away? a fool to circumstances that i should have foreseen. how far have i come to let it slip away? part of a design that never should have been and should never have to face
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mouth wired closed. eyes forced shut. drifting consciousness with no semblance of self. left with questions and choices to make. trying to find a place to put the pieces of me that never fit here. or matter. or would amount to who i'd become. what do i do with what's left. those parts of me that never fit here? i've tried to see it any other way and i've tried to be seen any other way. i've tried so hard and all i've ever done is fail. can i wake up tomorrow just this once feeling rested and ready for what the day brings? unburdened by the past and in a place where you couldn't hurt me. you couldn't tell me what i was. i could finally let go of these pieces that never fit here.
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losing yourself in losing is easy to do when all you've known is the taste of a backhand. disguised as care. or discipline. frustrated screams do nothing to erase the past. searching for something to believe in or someone to believe in me. what it costs to search through these memories. is it worth it? the price that i've had to pay. losing yourself. i'm losing everything. every day feels like the end of the struggle. disguise yourself. dress yourself in the armor of the victor but lie in silence. the hollowness eats you alive.
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burial etiquette:
jaccob hanley - guitars, vocals
taylor jocelyn - bass, vocals
ryan despres - drums, vocals, additional guitars on "create tension"
recorded by ryan despres
mastered by will killingsworth @ dead air studios
coma regalia:
shawn decker - guitars, vocals
nathan schenck - bass
jason wolpert - drums
bass tracked by nathan schenck @ their practice space, chicago, IL
everything else tracked/mixed/mastered by shawn decker
@yoguwit studios, lafayette, IN
artwork by taylor jocelyn
BUY THIS AND MORE HERE:
middlemanrecords.storenvy.com/products/30718540-held-tight-in-fragile-embraces-cassette
released August 4, 2020
