held tight in fragile embraces

by Middle-Man Records

/
1.
๐š›๐šข๐šŠ๐š— / ๐š๐šŽ๐šŠ brittle fingers reach out to grasp what cannot be seen against the dark no ruin or reason will keep us apart these pages were written on loose scraps searching for a conclusion to bring this end to an end ๐š๐šŽ๐šŠ caught alone again with these thoughts maybe this time it wonโ€™t be so bad anesthetize impure reasons rightfully arguing against this cycle ๐š“๐šŠ๐šŒ๐šŒ๐š˜๐š‹ / ๐š๐šŽ๐šŠ Nine three one Itโ€™s always the same Nine three one Never going to change ๐š“๐šŠ๐šŒ๐šŒ๐š˜๐š‹ memory refers to our ability to hold in real life the features and feelings that made up the essence of a person who has already died. the memory of a deceased person lives for as long and fully as theyโ€™re close people carefully remember. this seemingly clear banality is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. people begin to forget right away, as soon as the life leaves the body. and only a constant, every minute mental effort, requiring the most careful concentration of attention, memory and imagination, allows you to keep the departed among the living, as if they were still with us. a wall of glass swallowing itself into a myriad of broken reflections that I cannot repair ๐š“๐šŠ๐šŒ๐šŒ๐š˜๐š‹ I am never going to know I am never going to learn how to be myself or what that even is searching for another conclusion in the ashes desperate measures in the embers of the letters that you wrote to me searching for the loss we have had to face I draw back my hands and say goodnight ๐š๐šŽ๐šŠ pillars of lies built this home undeserving nights I lay sleepless with question are you happy, can you be without you sacrificing your values and dignity the answer is cold but true you are frozen with fear and unnerving recollections
2.
๐š›๐šข๐šŠ๐š— / ๐š๐šŽ๐šŠ a necklace buried in the dirt my fingers never left a mark a signature underneath her nail ๐š“๐šŠ๐šŒ๐šŒ๐š˜๐š‹ burnt leaves in autumn ashes leave trails of desperate nights and the angels will not help you because they have all gone blind ๐š“๐šŠ๐šŒ๐šŒ๐š˜๐š‹ and the rain falls down their eyes as the guilt makes its way inside ๐š๐šŽ๐šŠ an outstretched hand pulls the drapes behind my back as the search grows thing I feel the weight upon my skin ๐š“๐šŠ๐šŒ๐šŒ๐š˜๐š‹ / ๐š›๐šข๐šŠ๐š— her screams were the loudest as she died fire walk with me and the angels had mirrors sunken for eyes fire walk with me
3.
throw open the doors that trap us in this place of no growth. throw open the doors and return to where we were whole. so simple it's impossible. legs sinking in. walls closing in. mind caving in and i can't be here. i've lost something that can't be replaced and telling the difference is harder than it should be. how far have i come to throw it all away? a fool to circumstances that i should have foreseen. how far have i come to let it slip away? part of a design that never should have been and should never have to face
4.
mouth wired closed. eyes forced shut. drifting consciousness with no semblance of self. left with questions and choices to make. trying to find a place to put the pieces of me that never fit here. or matter. or would amount to who i'd become. what do i do with what's left. those parts of me that never fit here? i've tried to see it any other way and i've tried to be seen any other way. i've tried so hard and all i've ever done is fail. can i wake up tomorrow just this once feeling rested and ready for what the day brings? unburdened by the past and in a place where you couldn't hurt me. you couldn't tell me what i was. i could finally let go of these pieces that never fit here.
5.
losing yourself in losing is easy to do when all you've known is the taste of a backhand. disguised as care. or discipline. frustrated screams do nothing to erase the past. searching for something to believe in or someone to believe in me. what it costs to search through these memories. is it worth it? the price that i've had to pay. losing yourself. i'm losing everything. every day feels like the end of the struggle. disguise yourself. dress yourself in the armor of the victor but lie in silence. the hollowness eats you alive.

about

burial etiquette:
jaccob hanley - guitars, vocals
taylor jocelyn - bass, vocals
ryan despres - drums, vocals, additional guitars on "create tension"

recorded by ryan despres
mastered by will killingsworth @ dead air studios

coma regalia:
shawn decker - guitars, vocals
nathan schenck - bass
jason wolpert - drums

bass tracked by nathan schenck @ their practice space, chicago, IL
everything else tracked/mixed/mastered by shawn decker
@yoguwit studios, lafayette, IN

artwork by taylor jocelyn

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middlemanrecords.storenvy.com/products/30718540-held-tight-in-fragile-embraces-cassette

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released August 4, 2020

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