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Marked

by Coma Regalia

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1.
lungs burn. body breaks. the wind roars and scatters me to a million pieces. as once. again once more. brought forth to exist here in a million pieces. put me to rest. let this be over. did you think there was still enough left here to save?
2.
this path leads me all the way down. and as the tears fall from your eyes when the doctor says we don't know what this is the tears fall from my eyes because i may never see you again. paint me a new scene on this wall. one that i can escape through. never got the chance to make this right. what are these marks supposed to mean?
3.
so many lifetimes wasted wondering why it went wrong. so many nights i could only find the strength to lie down and hope that those hands close tighter around my throat. and how my hands bled. and hold onto what? and how my heart yearned. to reach out for what?
4.
not a second passes. it's always on my mind. there's the person that stands right here and the one i'm trying to find. oh, how i've begged but the stars never asked what i wanted to be. now there's no one to count on but me. i've lost myself in the need to know myself. i've found myself hanging over the edge and i can't hold on. every day is a fight that i'll never win. every day i wake up wishing that something had changed but it was always the same.
5.
watch yourself fade away. every day the distance grows between here and myself. further from the body that holds me. hated. frustrated. inundated. can't find the difference in an expression and a performance. in disillusion, this body is a battlefield. imperfect renditions, complicit. show me the difference here. an expression of performance. this illusion has finally broken me down. in submission i can feel it fading away. crawling from here, this defeat tastes like ash. disappearing and burning away in the ash i can see something else and it looks like hope on the horizon. it comes on like a spark. lights a fire we didn't know we'd need. disengaging and re-emerging. and how we know we are all simply dying in different stages.
6.
the calm and the storm. let me hear you roar. this is your fight. i am but a supplicant. let me hear you roar. the lion. the mountain. the tree. the yurt underneath.
7.
i can't feel a thing. completely cut off from you. the only thing that makes this worthwhile. a contradiction in terms. swallowed all the strength i could summon. expunged all that was left of me. tried and tried to find the light again. an empty space just pulls me in. all that was left was a void. all i left to avoid. learned every lesson the hard way. dreamed up this place to protect me but the distance created was never enough.
8.
unchallenged, uncaring, unflinching. they draw their blades. bring forth these last drops of blood. they want to be free. kinetic response mechanism. self service never comes easy. displacing sharp waves of terror. awaiting emancipation. this blood wants to be free. hold me to the altar at vau auspei and draw your blades. this blood wants to be free.
9.
how i was made to fall down on this blade. cursed forever to return back to climb the mountain of what i've forsaken. here, behold the serpent. come forth to swallow our eyes. always has been. always will be. paint these walls with blood and still made no progress here. feed it our lives and still made no progress here. cut off one head and another takes it's place.
10.
Yarneep 01:53
11.
push pass the pain and stand on the sand i'm doomed to return. the only difference is you. the piece that's missing is you. i hungered so i killed and i swam to the shore. hold close these things that i used to break. cherish every part of myself i've hidden away. and now it's eating at me. there's something missing, you see? a complication that we've come to live with. i fell so far i didn't notice i was on fire. i let it take me. the flames sway like hairs on my skin. they are dying to dance with you. this holy union commiserated. this all started and ends with you. let this carry us away to watch it burn.
12.
four times those seven words out loud. indifferent to the fate we've escaped. another life of questions never asked and dying to be lost once again. i needed more strength than i ever had. i bargained with something that i could never pay you. a reflection of who i might've been. a promise to return. but can i learn to live with the weight of what comes next?

about

Jason Wolpert - Drums
Tom Schlatter - Bass, Strings on track 10
Shawn Decker - Guitar, Vocals, Keys, Auxiliary Noise and Percussion,
Drums on track 6

Bass guitar recorded by Tom at his home in Albany, NY
Everything else recorded by Shawn at Yoguwit Studios, Lafayette, IN
Mixed and mastered by Shawn at Yoguwit Studios, Lafayette, IN

released by
Middle-Man Records
Zegema Beach Records

credits

released September 9, 2020

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Middle-Man Records Indiana

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